“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!" (Psalm 133:1) 

        Peace does not exist between God’s church and the world, for each stands at an opposite end of the moral spectrum, yet God’s people ought never to be divided. God’s people, in fact, ought to have good relations with lost people, although not with the world’s system. However, God’s people ought to have even better relations with each other. “Let us do good unto all men, especially unto those who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10). Unity among God’s people will create harmony in the household of faith, but unity also may draw unbelievers to Christ when they see the love that God’s people have for one another. “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love for one another.” (John 13:35) 
        The difference between strife and unity can be traced to either pride or humility. As Dr. Johnny Hunt has stated, “Pride produces strife, but humility produces unity.” Pride can be a detriment to relationships. Pride points to a speck in the eye of another while ignoring a beam in its own eye, pointing out others’ flaws while remaining blind to its own. Pride often leads to denial of wrongdoing, admitting no fault, but misplacing blame to avoid accountability and responsibility. Pride would rather ‘save face’ than face reconciliation and save a relationship. “It is hard to help anyone who is in the wrong and who is in denial of their detrimental needs," said Dr. Hunt. "Denial is so deadly to relationships…The temptation is to blame others and not take personal responsibility.” "If a person persists in maintaining that someone else is to blame for his wrongdoing, this perception can radically distort his view of reality," said Dr. Charles Stanley. "Blaming others promotes disharmony and bitterness."
        It is vital that the body of Christ have unity, for, as Dr. Stanley Welch has said, “The devil can’t harm us from the outside, but he can wreak a lot of havoc on the inside. The devil will use anybody that he possibly can. He's wanting to tear down our testimony. In Revelation 12:10, he's called the accuser of the brethren."
        God receives no glory from divisiveness among His people, but Satan revels in it. 
        How can the body of Christ have unity? With truth, communication, respect, love, and restoration.
        First, in order for there to be unity, there must be truth. As a credible witness for the Lord Jesus Christ, Christians must seek to be truthful. As Anne Graham Lotz has said, "God's people need to be people of integrity and humility and purity and unity." 
        Scripture says, “Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; and have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him" (Colosians 3:9-10) 
        It has been stated, “Lying to one another disrupts unity by destroying trust. It tears down relationships.” 
        Many times in Scripture, God rebukes the sin of lying. In fact, He made one of the Ten Commandments: “Thou shalt not bear false witness.” And lying is listed twice in Proverbs 6 among what God hates. “These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.” (Proverbs 6:16-19)
        In Psalm 15, David asks, "Lord, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in his heart. He that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil...."
        "It is a mark of a Christian that he or she be truthful," said Dr. Albert Mohler. "The reputation for which we should be most concerned is the reputation of God himself. How far we fall short to the glory of God, when we say we worship and follow God, and yet we lie. Truth and lies -- how important to know the difference." 
        Truth is not simply a statement of fact, for a lie can hide behind facts when those facts are misrepresented in order to deceive. A story tells of a sailor who wrote in his journal: "The captain was sober today." After several days would pass, the sailor would once again write: "The captain was sober today." In failing to disclose that the captain, who abstained from alcohol, was sober every day, the sailor was falsely implying that there were times when the captain was inebriated. Most convincing, it seems, are those deceptions told through innuendo, half-truths, and insinuations. A statement of fact told with the intent to deceive, however, is not truth, but is dishonest and is nothing less than a lie outright. 
        "The Bible says that Satan's native language is lies (John 8:4)," said Dr. David Jeremiah. "Whenever he opens his mouth -- or motivates someone else to open their mouth -- it will also be a distortion of the truth."
        "The Bible treats truth-telling as a deadly serious matter, a matter of life and death and a matter of moral obligation," said Dr. Albert Mohler. "It is rooted in the fact that God himself is truth. In Him, there is no lie -- He hates lies. Those who would be His followers must be a people of truth. Jesus Christ himself said, 'I am the way, the truth, and the life.' Conversely, we are told that Satan is the father of lies."
        Thomas Jefferson was quoted as saying, "He who permits himself to tell a lie once finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual." 
        Habitual lying, the spreading of falsehoods, leads to distrust and disrespect. Therefore, it must not exist among those who wear the name of Christ. A statement that is fact need not necessarily be told, but a statement that is not fact needs never to be told. 
        "The ninth commandment says, 'You shall not bear false witness,'” said Dr. Mohler. “There is a concern in scripture that a lie can destroy, can lead to a capital execution if the witness be false, or, conversely, could allow the guilty to go free, an equal injustice in the eyes of God. 
        "One of the prohibitions most often repeated in the Old Testament is this prohibition against false witness. It is extended beyond the law court to the responsibility we have one to the other to tell the truth – not just when we have to stand up and raise the right hand and say, ‘I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth,’ but even in our casual conversation, even in our social interaction.” 
        God will hold accountable and will admonish those who lie about and misrepresent others. As Dr. Mohler has stated, we need to consider the reputation of others to be just as important as our own reputation and, more importantly, we need to value the reputation of God. 
        "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsover things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8)
        Second, in order for there to be unity, there must be communication. And that communication must be in private between those who are in conflict – and include no one else. Some may erroneously think that it is to their advantage to settle conflict publicly, with witnesses, but that is not scriptural. Jesus said that, if someone has wronged you, you are to “go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.” (Matthew 18). God never condones but rather forbids gossip and strife.
        Not only is involving others the unbiblical way to handle conflict, it also leads to more disunity, because it causes others to take sides for or against one person or the other, many times without knowing all of the facts from both sides. Christians should all be on the same side -- for God and against the devil, not against one another. 
        It is wrong for someone to avoid speaking to a person with whom they are in conflict, yet speak to others about that person. Gossiping only worsens the situation, and causes discord and distrust to spread, firstly between third parties and the person discussed, and secondly between the original parties in conflict even more so when the gossip has been found out. Communication must be between the original parties only.
        Lack of communication, Dr. Johnny Hunt has said, is the leading cause for broken relationships. The most important part of communication, he said, is listening. “One of the reasons there are so many broken relationships is that people have stopped listening to each other,” he said. 
        And listening involves more than just hearing. It means being receptive to hearing, and hearing with Christ-like love. “It’s amazing the difference it makes when you’re listening to somebody that loves you,” said Dr. Hunt. When you're listening, you're not cutting someone off and refusing to hear what they have to say. As Dr. Hunt noted, “The Bible says be swift to hear. It means be a careful listener.” 
        Third, in order for there to be unity, there must be respect. There is no respect when there is hostility. There is no respect when there is a lack of compassion.
        The Bible says to lay aside all malice and evil speaking (I Peter 2:1). 
        “Words said in seconds are never forgotten in a lifetime,” said Ike Reighard. “Choose your words wisely.” 
        "Use your words well, because words have the power of life or death,” said Woodrow Kroll. “You want to use your words to bring life to your friends." 
        “Don’t practice aggression,” said Dr. Adrian Rogers. “Speak the truth. Speak it in love, never sarcastically. The Bible says you are to be slow to wrath. If you would learn how to resolve conflicts, tune in and tone down. 'Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear' – that’s tune in – 'and slow to speak' – tone down. …When you’re talking, you can’t be listening. And, when you’re not listening, you’re not learning. And so the Bible says we are to be swift to hear, and we are to be slow to speak.” 
        “The power of words can be unleashed as perhaps the most primitive of weapons,” said Nichole Nordeman. “Words can not only hurt, but they can leave ‘shrapnel’ in the soul long after the explosion hits and the smoke clears. Next time you need a reminder about the power of the negative word, dust off the book of James. It's been said that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body. I think the spirit would agree.” 
        To respect someone, we encourage them, not discourage them. We build our own character by building others up, not tearing others down. Our light does not burn brighter by dimming the light of others. Dr. Adrian Rogers said, "You're never more like God than when you're encouraging people, and never more like the devil than when you are discouraging people." 
        To respect someone, we speak well of them, in and out of their presence. "We must be 'real,'" said Dr. Johnny Hunt. "God help me, in Jesus' name, to despise being a phony. Help me to never, as the Proverbs say, say a good word in your presence, but my heart have seven deceitful statements waiting to blast you when you're not there."  
        To respect someone, we do not speak down to them, with condescension, with malice, or with anger. 
        "There's nothing that will do more damage to your relationships than unwarranted anger," said Dr. Adrian Rogers. "God's Word tells us we are to be slow to wrath.
        "Christians are not to return evil for evil," said Dr. Rogers. "But sometimes our minds tell us we need to get even. I Peter 3:8-9 says, 'Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.' There are three levels of living. To return evil for good -- that is devilish. To return evil for evil -- that is human. To return good for evil -- that is divine."
        Jesus said, in Matthew 5:21-22, that being angry with someone for no reason is equal to murder. Psalm 66:18 says, 'If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.'
        Dr. Danny Akin has said that pride will lead someone toward abusive language and evil suspicions. "You're always looking to criticize. You never give your brother or sister the benefit of the doubt," he said. "You even move to question other people's motives -- something you could never, ever, ever know. And in fact, even in some occasions, you would rather misrepresent others than take the time to find out the real truth."
        When you respect someone, you are sensitive toward their feelings, and that sensitivity is reflected in your speech. "Indeed, many times, how someone says something carries as much weight as what they actually say," said Gregory Frizzell. "Do you have a kind, gentle spirit, or are you argumentative and contentious? Are you often critical and harsh with people? Are you insensitive to the feelings and needs of others? Do you tend to look for reasons to pick people apart? Are you quick to get angry and speak your mind? Be honest in your evaluation of your heart attitude. 
        "God places enormous importance on our speech. In Matthew 12:36, Jesus makes a sobering statement: 'But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.' Often, without even knowing it, many believers have become involved in significant sins of speech. Ask God for discernment as you prayerfully examine your words. Are you guilty of critical, angry speech? Are you quick to raise your voice? Does your speech reflect an underlying anger and impatience with those around you? Do you speak unkindly? Are you guilty of any form of gossip or slander of others? Do you speak evil of people behind their back? Immediately confess and forsake these serious sins of speech. Do not make excuses or justify your behavior. If you are honest in your confession and repentance, God will totally transform your heart. He will give you wisdom to deal with honest differences of opinion without becoming angry and divisive. God will also lead you to ask forgiveness from those you have offended. Perhaps the most common place we lose God's fullness is in our relationships. In Matthew 5:23-24, Jesus was emphatic about the importance of getting right with those you have offended. 'Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.' In other words, Christ was saying, 'Don't approach God until you first get right with those you have offended."
        Fourth, for there to be unity, there must be Christ-like love. 
        “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God.” I John 4:7 
        “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity (love), which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.” (Colosians 3:12-15) 
        “It’s not how much you know; it’s whether you’ve got the love of God motivating you to share that precious truth,” said Dr. Johnny Hunt. “If you’ve got a sharp mind for truth, please ‘marry’ it with a great compassion of the love of God. If not, you will be so offensive. You may say what’s right, but you’ll say it in such a mean way." 
        “Love suffereth long, and is kind. Love envieth not. Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth." (I Corinthians 13) 
        "Jesus was a gentle and compassionate person," said Rev. Billy Graham. "He healed the sick, fed the hungry, and opened the eyes of the blind. He commanded His disciples, 'Love your neighbor as yourself' (Matthew 19:19), and taught them to observe what we have come to call 'The Golden Rule': 'In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you' (Matthew 7:12). Wherever true Christianity has gone, His followers have performed acts of kindness, love, and gentleness. Do others see Christ's gentleness and compassion in you?" 
        "If we want our city or our town to know Jesus, they're going to know Jesus through us," said Dr. Adrian Rogers. "Christ is the invisible part of the visible Christian, and the Christian is the visible part of the invisible Christ."
        “We prove our faith in Christ, not by the rules we keep, but by the love we give,” said Jon Walker. 'Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.' (John 13:35 NLT). Notice Jesus didn’t say, 'Love me,' as proof of our discipleship. He said, 'Love one another, and that will show the world you belong to me.' One of the best things we can do to reach our community for Christ is to love each other – that is, to love other believers. 
        “Until the world sees the love of God modeled in the Christian community, they’re going to have trouble believing it can ever exist. When we truly care for one another, we show the world a love so tangible and contagious that they can’t help but be attracted to it. 
        “As the world watches, they’ll see us ‘…being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, intent on one purpose;” not merely looking out for our own personal interests, but also for each other’s interests (Philippians 2:3-4). The world is desperate for love and a sense of community, and we’re meant to be the salt (Matthew 5:13) that increases their thirst for the living water (John 4:10). 
       “Our love for one another shows the world our unity with the Father and also shows them that community requires unity, a oneness about the purposes of life. Jesus said, 'I want all [my disciples] to be one with each other, just as I am one with you and you are one with me. I also want them to be one with us. Then the people of this world will believe that you sent me.' (John 17:21 CEV) 
        “Our community of unity should reflect the faith we have in the love of Jesus Christ. Our congregations are meant to be points of love and light in the darkness of our communities. We’re to let our 'light shine so that others will see the good' and praise our Father in heaven (Matthew 5:16).
        “Your love for other believers speaks about God’s love. How loud is your voice? 
        “You witness to others when you love believers – Jesus gave the world the right to judge the authenticity of our faith by how much we love one another – that is, how we love other Christians. Ask God what fences you need to mend. The whole world is watching how we love one another. 
        “What are you saying about God? – We make a statement about God by the way we love one another. It may be a positive statement or it may be a negative one, but the fact is people often form their opinions of God by how they see us individually. There’s truth in the old saying, 'You may be the only picture of Jesus people will ever see.' People also may base their opinion of God on how we get along, how we support each other, how we criticize others. 
        “Is your love tangible? – Our love for one another offers a tangible, and contagious, reflection of God’s love, allowing the world to witness the power of transformed lives. How loud do your actions speak about the love of God?” 
        There can be unity in God’s church as a whole only when there is unity among the believers, with relationships that are intact and not separated, whole and not torn apart, when there is restoration to replace broken fellowship and unresolved conflict. 
        Max Lucado asked: "What things would you do differently if you knew this would be your last day on earth? Are there relationships you’d want restored? Would you give more? Forgive more? Hold fewer grudges? Would you make certain that all of the important people in your life know how important they are to you? What would you do differently if you knew, when you pillowed your head tonight, that you would wake up in eternity tomorrow? Once you have the answer, why don’t you go ahead and do it. For all you know, this is the last day of your life. Remember, this is the day that the Lord has made. Use it to His glory. And, if God gives you another, then just do it all over again.” 
        “Relationships are always worth restoring,” said Rick Warren, quoting Philippians 2:1-2, Msg: “If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if His love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you . . . agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends.
        “Life is all about learning how to love,” Warren continued, “and God wants us to value relationships and make every effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt, or a conflict. 
        “In fact, the Bible tells us that God has given us the ministry of restoring relationships. For this reason, a significant amount of the New Testament is devoted to teaching us how to get along with one another. 
        “The Apostle Paul taught that our ability to get along with others is a mark of spiritual maturity. Since Christ wants his family to be known for our love for each other, broken fellowship is a disgraceful testimony to unbelievers. 
        “If you want God's blessing on your life and you want to be known as a child of God, you must learn to be a peacemaker. Jesus said, 'God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God' (Matt. 5:9 NLT). 
        “Notice Jesus didn't say, ‘Blessed are the peace lovers,’ because everyone loves peace. Neither did He say, ‘Blessed are the peaceable,’ who are never disturbed by anything. Jesus said, ‘Blessed are those who work for peace’--those who actively seek to resolve conflict. 
        “Peacemakers are rare, because peacemaking is hard work, but, because you were formed to be a part of God's family, peacemaking is one of the most important skills you can develop. 
        “The first biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to talk to God before talking to the person. Discuss the problem with God. If you'll pray about the conflict first, instead of gossiping to a friend, you'll often discover that either God changes your heart or He changes the other person without your help. All your relationships would go smoother if you would just pray more about them. As David did with his Psalms, use prayer to ventilate vertically. Tell God your frustrations. Cry out to him. He’s never surprised or upset by your anger, hurt, insecurity, or any other emotions. So tell Him exactly how you feel.” 
        It is important, Warren pointed out, for one of the parties to take the initiative in restoring a relationship. 
        “It doesn't matter whether you are the offender or the offended, God expects you to make the first move,” he said. “Don't wait for the other party. Go to them first. 
        “Restoring broken fellowship is so important, Jesus commanded that it even take priority over group worship. He said, ‘If you enter your place of worship and are about to make an offering, but you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.’ (Matt. 5:23-24 Msg). 
        “When fellowship is strained or broken, plan a peace conference immediately. Don't procrastinate, make excuses, or promise, ‘I'll get around to it someday.’ Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse. In conflict, time heals nothing; it causes hurts to fester. 
        “Acting quickly also reduces the spiritual damage to you. The Bible says sin, including unresolved conflict, blocks our fellowship with God and keeps our prayers from being answered, besides making us miserable. 
        “The third biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to sympathize with the other person's feelings. 
        “Use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any disagreement, you must first listen to the other's feelings. Paul advised, ‘Look out for one another's interests, not just for your own.’ (Philip. 2:4 TEV). The phrase ‘look out for’ is the Greek word skopos, from which we form our words telescope and microscope. It means pay close attention! Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solutions. 
        “Don't try to talk people out of how they feel at first. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive. 
        “The Bible says, ‘A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense’ (Prov. 19:11 NIV). Patience comes from wisdom, and wisdom comes from hearing the perspective of others. 
        “Listening says, ‘I value your opinion, I care about our relationship, and you matter to me.’ The cliché is true: People don't care what we know until they know we care. 
        “To restore fellowship, ‘We must bear the 'burden' of being considerate of the doubts and fears of others . . . Let's please the other fellow, not ourselves, and do what is for his good" (Rom. 15:2 LB). Remember what Jesus did for you. He endured unfounded, malicious anger in order to save you. 
        “The fourth biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to confess your part of the conflict. If you're serious about restoring a relationship, you should begin with admitting your own mistakes or sin. Jesus said it's the way to see things more clearly: 'First get rid of the log from your own eye; then perhaps you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye' (Matt. 7:5 NLT). Also, ask God to show you how much of the problem is your fault. The Bible says, ‘If we claim that we're free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves’ (1 John 1:8 Msg). Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. Often, the way we handle a conflict creates a bigger hurt than the original problem itself. Don't make excuses or shift the blame; just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.” 
        “If I’m not willing to admit my sin and remove it, I’m not a candidate to hear from God,” said Dr. Hunt. “Unconfessed sin in our life is like having earwax in our ears. It prevents the Word of Truth from reaching our hearts.” 
        Ron Hutchcraft has said, "I can’t help but wonder how many relationships could have been saved if someone had been willing to say those two words -- ‘I’m sorry’ -- or the longer version -- ‘I was wrong’ – the words that tear down walls. So much healing can begin when you are willing to swallow your pride and admit you’ve done wrong. And the longer you wait to apologize, the higher the wall gets. 
        "The Bible clearly encourages us to be quick to apologize – even to leave our gift at the altar and first go and be reconciled to our brother or sister (Matthew 5:23-24). It’s part of carrying out our Lord’s orders in Romans 12:18: 'As far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.' It certainly depends on you to say, ‘I’m sorry’, for anything that has caused hurt or misunderstanding. And not a lame, often hedged apology, like, ‘Well, I’m sorry if I’ve done anything wrong.’ A healing apology should be as specific as possible. 
        "Maybe you grew up in an environment where people never admitted they were wrong. You may be in a situation where the feelings are hard and the walls are high. But none of that changes your responsibility as a follower of Christ to say, ‘I was wrong,’ to say, ‘I’m sorry,’ when that’s the case. Ask God to use your two little words --‘I’m sorry’ – in a really powerful way. Sometimes, two little words are the beginning of a very big breakthrough." 
        "Jesus tells us to stop praying for forgiveness until we've made things right with people we need to forgive or ask forgiveness from," said Chuck Swindoll. "When you have been the cause of an offense--that is, when you are the offender, have the heart of a servant. Stop, go, reconcile, and then return. Confess your sins one to another. Only pride is stopping you."
        "I'm afraid many people find it hard to admit when they've been wrong, especially when they have hurt someone, either by their actions or their words," said Rev. Billy Graham. "But, when we fail to apologize and ask that person's forgiveness, we only make the situation worse. Why do you find it hard to say you are sorry and apologize for what you've done? There may be several reasons -- but the most important is pride. You hate to admit you were wrong, and you hate to lose face in the eyes of other people. The Bible says, 'Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall' (Proverbs 16:18). God loves you, and He doesn't want you to go through life hurting others and yourself. Ask God to help you control your tongue, and to use it for His glory. Let the Bible's admonition be your guide: 'Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen' (Ephesians 4:29). 
        "There were times that I have acted in such a way, or made a decision that I have regretted later," said Dr. Johnny Hunt. "But I pray that God will help me and clothe me in humility, so that, when I do make that mistake -- and especially when others observe -- that I would be Christian enough and full of Jesus enough that I would admit that I am wrong and make it right. The Bible says in Philippians 1:27, 'Let your conduct be worthy of the Gospel of Christ.' I want to respond in such a way that would not give the Gospel a bad name."
        "When trust has been broken, it needs to be restored," said Michael Ramsden. "Someone needs to say, ‘Sorry.’ The question is: Is there anyone who is big enough to say, ‘Sorry’? 
        "When we sin, it doesn’t just affect us. It breaks the lives of the people around us. There may be some people who are broken because of what other people have done. Forgiveness is simply a way of getting obstacles out of the way, so we can look at each other again with joy (the relationship restored and sweet fellowship back). 
        "When friends insult each other, we often ignore it. Have you ever noticed that? We pretend it hasn’t happened. We don’t say, ‘Sorry.’ We don’t talk about it. We just let the passage of time go by, and, hopefully, we eventually start talking to each other, and we somehow just 'put up' with each other. The tragedy in that situation is the friendship has been lost. You can’t genuinely enter into peaceful relationship and friendship with somebody when that which has gone wrong has simply been covered up. But, if you’re able to talk about it, and there is forgiveness offered and received, that relationship may end up deeper because of that, not shallower." 
        “The fifth biblical step toward restoring a relationship,” said Rick Warren, “is to attack the problem, not the person. You cannot fix the problem if you're consumed with fixing the blame. You must choose between the two. The Bible says, 'A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire' (Prov. 15:1 Msg). You will never get your point across by being cross, so choose your words wisely. A soft answer is always better than a sarcastic one. 
        “In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what you say. If you say it offensively, it will be received defensively. God tells us, 'A wise, mature person is known for his understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more persuasive he is' (Prov. 16:21 TEV). 
        “Nagging never works. You are never persuasive when you're abrasive. 
        “During the Cold War, both sides agreed that some weapons were so destructive they should never be used. For the sake of fellowship, you must destroy your arsenal of relational nuclear weapons, including condemning, belittling, comparing, labeling, insulting, condescending, and being sarcastic. 
        “Paul sums it up this way: "Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you" (Eph. 4:29 TEV). 
        “The sixth biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to cooperate as much as possible.  The Apostle Paul said, 'Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody' (Rom. 12:18 TEV). Peace always has a price tag. Sometimes it costs our pride; it often costs our self-centeredness. For the sake of fellowship, do your best to compromise, adjust to others, and show preference to what they need. Peacemaking is not avoiding conflict--Running from a problem, pretending it doesn't exist, or being afraid to talk about it is actually cowardice.  Peacemaking is also not appeasement--Always giving in, acting like a doormat, and allowing others to always run over you is not what Jesus had in mind. 
        “The seventh biblical step toward restoring a relationship is to emphasize reconciliation, not resolution. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. When we focus on reconciliation, the problem loses significance and often becomes irrelevant.  We can re-establish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our differences. Christians often have legitimate, honest disagreements and differing opinions, but we can disagree without being disagreeable. The same diamond looks different from different angles. God expects unity, not uniformity, and we can walk arm in arm without seeing eye to eye on every issue. This doesn't mean you give up on finding a solution. You may need to continue discussing and even debating--but you do it in a spirit of harmony. Reconciliation means you bury the hatchet, not necessarily the issue. 
        “With whom do you need to restore fellowship? Pause right now and talk to God about that person. Then pick up the phone and begin the process. The seven steps toward restoring relationships are simple, but they’re not easy. It takes a lot of effort to restore a relationship. That's why Peter urged, 'Work hard at living in peace with others' (1 Peter 3:11 NLT).  But when you work for peace, you are doing what God would do. That's why God calls peacemakers His children.”  
        Making peace does not mean avoiding conflict, but working through conflict. Matthew 5:9 says, "Blessed are those who work for peace, for they will be called children of God."
        "If I know a conflict exists in a particular area," said John Fischer, "I will avoid the subject altogether. Or, if I am in conflict with a certain person, I will avoid them altogether. This is not being a peacemaker -- it’s being a coward. A peacemaker works for peace, and, by avoiding conflict, I am saying I am not willing to put forth the effort necessary to face into a problem, I am too afraid to face into it, or I don’t care enough for the other person to want to seek peace. But do I care enough for myself to want to live in peace instead of conflict and denial? 
        "Peace is never found in walking away from our fears, but in walking into them. Like the cowardly lion in The Wizard of Oz, courage comes when you care enough for someone that you will face into your fears on their behalf. It takes this kind of work to be a peacemaker. 
        "Think about where there is conflict in your life and ask God to show you how you can make peace. It’s true that a relationship is made up of two people, and, if there is a conflict, both have to want to make peace in order to achieve it. We can’t change the other person, but we can do our part to create the environment for reconciliation. If there is a chasm in a relationship, you may have to reach further than you thought to establish peace. You can’t always count on the other person meeting you somewhere in the middle. Thank goodness God didn’t meet us halfway, or He’d still be waiting there for us. That’s much too far for us to reach. God did the only thing that could bridge the chasm between us. He came all the way. How far are you prepared to go for someone else?" 
        "We are to live holy, blameless lives, doing all we can to be in unity with each other," said Anne Graham Lotz. "We should be men and women who are holy, as He is holy. I think it means there should be a humility about us. He (God) is not impressed with your reputation or mine. He looks on the heart. He cares more about who we are than what we do. The greatest commandments are to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength and your neighbor as yourself. We need to put first things first, and get our hearts right with God. 
        "We need to do all we can to set wrongs right and to reach out to other people, so that we're united with our brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. In these last days, we need each other. We need to encourage each other, and strengthen each other, and pray for each other. It's going to take us together to withstand the onslaught of the enemy in order to lift up Jesus in these last days. You're to walk with Him in a way that brings pleasure to God and glory to the name of Jesus. Jesus is coming. When He comes back, will you have any regrets?"
        The bottom line is that Christians are in spiritual warfare with the adversary, Satan, and Christians should all be on the same side in this war. As Ron Hutchcraft has stated, “No army can win when they’re aiming their weapons at each other.”  James McDonald said, "One person wants to make things right. One person wants to be right." In a time of conflict, which one are we?
        Scripture says, “For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7). A person who sows seeds of discord in time will reap seeds of discord. 
        Let everyone sow seeds of truth, seeds of communication, seeds of respect, seeds of love, seeds of restoration -- seeds of unity: all with the aim that is our true purpose in life – to bring others into a relationship with Jesus Christ. As Dr. Johnny Hunt has said, “There is nothing more important than bringing people to God.” 
        “The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life; and he that winneth souls is wise.” Proverbs 11:30